40 Questions for Self-Diagnosis

Sex and Love Addiction

2 versions of the survey; download the results after completing. Tick 'yes' if the question mostly applies to you.
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Original 40 questionsRevised 40 questionsBoth sets of questions
40 Questions for Self-Diagnosis

The following questions are designed to be used as guidelines to identifying possible signposts of sex and love addiction. They are not intended to provide a sure-fire method of diagnosis, nor can negative answers to these questions provide absolute assurance that illness is not present. Many sex and love addicts have varying patterns which can result in very different ways of approaching and answering these questions. Despite this fact, we have found that short, to-the-point questions have often provided as effective a tool for self-diagnosis as have lengthy explanations of what sex and love addiction is. We appreciate that the diagnosis of sex and love addiction is a matter that needs to be both very serious and very private. We hope that these questions will prove helpful. These questions were updated in 2019 to reflect more recent understanding around the nature of sex and love addiction. The original questions follow here; the newer questions are on the next page.
Original 40 questions*

1) Have you ever tried to control how much sex to have or how often you would see someone?2) Do you find yourself unable to stop seeing a specific person even though you know that seeing this person is destructive to you?3) Do you feel that you don’t want anyone to know about your sexual or romantic activities? Do you feel you need to hide these activities from others – friends, family, co-workers, counsellors, etc.?4) Do you get “high” from sex and/or romance? Do you crash?5) Have you had sex at inappropriate times, in inappropriate places, and/or with inappropriate people?6) Do you make promises to yourself or rules for yourself concerning your sexual or romantic behaviour that you find you cannot follow?7) Have you had, or do you have sex with someone you don’t (didn’t) want to have sex with?8) Do you believe that sex and/or a relationship will make your life bearable?9) Have you ever felt that you had to have sex?10) Do you believe that someone can “fix” you?11) Do you keep a list, written or otherwise, of the number of partners you’ve had?12) Do you feel desperation or uneasiness when you are away from your lover or sexual partner?13) Have you lost count of the number of sexual partners you’ve had?14) Do you feel desperate about your need for a lover, sexual fix, or future mate?15) Have you or do you have sex regardless of the consequences (e.g. the threat of being caught, the risk of contracting herpes, gonorrhoea, AIDS, etc)?16) Do you find that you have a pattern of repeating bad relationships?17) Do you feel that your only (or major) value in a relationship is your ability to perform sexually, or provide an emotional fix?18) Do you feel like a lifeless puppet unless there is someone around with whom you can flirt? Do you feel that you’re not “really alive” unless you are with your sexual / romantic partner?19) Do you feel entitled to sex?20) Do you find yourself in a relationship that you cannot leave?21) Have you ever threatened your financial stability or standing in the community by pursuing a sexual partner?22) Do you believe that the problems in your “love life” result from not having enough of, or the right kind of sex? Or from continuing to remain with the “wrong” person?23) Have you ever had a serious relationship threatened or destroyed because of outside sexual activity?24) Do you feel that life would have no meaning without a love relationship or without sex? Do you feel that you would have no identity if you were not someone’s lover?25) Do you find yourself flirting or sexualizing with someone even if you do not mean to?26) Does your sexual and/or romantic behaviour affect your reputation?27) Do you have sex and/or “relationships” to try to deal with, or escape from life’s problems?28) Do you feel uncomfortable about your masturbation because of the frequency with which you masturbate, the fantasies you engage in, the props you use, and/or the places in which you do it?29) Do you engage in the practices of voyeurism, exhibitionism, etc., in ways that bring discomfort and pain?30) Do you find yourself needing greater and greater variety and energy in your sexual or romantic activities just to achieve an “acceptable” level of physical and emotional relief?31) Do you need to have sex, or “fall in love” in order to feel like a “real man” or a “real woman”?32) Do you feel that your sexual and romantic behaviour is about as rewarding as hijacking a revolving door? Are you jaded?33) Are you unable to concentrate on other areas of your life because of thoughts or feelings you are having about another person or about sex?34) Do you find yourself obsessing about a specific person or sexual act even though these thoughts bring pain, craving or discomfort?35) Have you ever wished you could stop or control your sexual and romantic activities for a given period of time? Have you ever wished you could be less emotionally dependent?36) Do you find the pain in your life increasing no matter what you do? Are you afraid that deep down you are unacceptable?37) Do you feel that you lack dignity and wholeness?38) Do you feel that your sexual and/or romantic life affects your spiritual life in a negative way?39) Do you feel that your life is unmanageable because of your sexual and/or romantic behaviour or your excessive dependency needs?40) Have you ever thought that there might be more you could do with your life if you were not so driven by sexual and romantic pursuits?
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Revised 40 questions*

01) Have you said to yourself “If I have sex with this person, then he/she will love me”?02) Have you found it difficult to stay faithful in a committed relationship?03) Do you lose track of time looking at or searching for pornography on the computer?04) Have you had sex with someone you just met, online, on the first date, at a bar, park, bookstore or public restroom?05) Do you find yourself seeking out and engaging in sexual or romantic situations that could jeopardize your health, family, job or reputation?06) Do you feel you need to hide your sexual or romantic activities from others – spouse, friends, family, co-workers, counsellors, etc.?07) Have you had uncomfortable feelings from sexual experiences that led you to sexual anorexia (i.e. abstaining from sexual activities)?08) Do you get a “high” from sex, fantasy and/or romantic situations?09) Have you gone out of your way to stare, follow or stalk someone?10) Do you have sexual content sent to your mobile phone or computer?11) Do you deliberately put yourself in situations where close physical contact with other people is possible?12) Do you have secret files on your computer, phone or on social media for your private behaviour that you fear someone will discover?13) Have you lost count of the number of sexual partners you’ve had? Have you or do you keep a list of sexual “encounters”?14) Are you isolating from friends and family because of your current relationship?15) Do you find yourself in a sexual or romantic relationship that you cannot leave or stop?16) Are you looking for a new partner before you leave the old partner?17) Do you feel lonely, purposeless or like something’s missing in your life without a romantic or sexual partner?18) Do you feel as though the right partner can “fix” you?19) Do you have inappropriate, romantic and/or sexual fantasies about people you don’t know or just met?20) Are your fears of not being in control, being abandoned or hurt keeping you from engaging in a relationship?21) Do you engage in the practice of exposing your body in public?22) Do you often have sex simply because the other person wants to have sex?23) Have you felt that you had to have sex or need to have sex in order to stay in a relationship?24) Have you wished you could be less needy or emotionally dependent in a relationship?25) Have you watched, filmed or photographed a person in a sexual situation without them knowing?26) Do you have multiple or deceiving profiles on dating sites or on social networks?27) Are you afraid that deep down you are un-loveable?28) Have you been arrested or stopped by the police for sexual behaviour?29) Are you more concerned with your sexual performance than you are with other aspects of the relationship?30) Do you use phone apps that identify sexually available people in your area?31) Are you ashamed of your sexual thoughts, fantasies or actions?32) Do you send sexually based messages or pictures to others?33) Do you feel that being in a relationship is all that really matters?34) Do you use sex to escape stress, anxiety or life’s other problems?35) Do you feel uncomfortable about your masturbation because of the frequency, the fantasies you engage in, the props you use, and/or the places in which you do it?36) Have you manipulated or encouraged an individual to engage in sex against their will?37) Are you unable to focus on other areas of your life because of fantasy, compulsive sexual or romantic thoughts?38) Have you thought of having numerous sexual experiences in one day as a goal?39) Are you emotionally destroyed when someone doesn’t call or doesn’t want to interact with you anymore?40) Have you ever said to yourself “I have to stop this”?
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